Being in a relationship with an addict or alcoholic can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, often leaving partners feeling helpless, confused, and heartbroken. The hard truth of the matter is that a lasting relationship with a person who has an addiction is virtually impossible as long as their addiction remains untreated. Addiction takes precedence in the life of the person struggling with it. Whether the addiction is to drugs, alcohol, sex, or any other substance, it becomes the central focus, with everything else, including relationships, taking a back seat.

This often leads to manipulation and deception, especially when the individual is still in denial about the extent of their addiction. In many cases, someone struggling with addiction will go to extreme lengths—lying, stealing, or even engaging in criminal behavior—just to feed their addiction. If you’ve been in a relationship with them before they developed their addiction, it may feel like they have become a completely different person, and it can be difficult to understand how they could treat you and others so differently. But this is the reality of addiction.

Unfortunately, as addiction worsens, some relationships take a darker turn. The emotional and physical toll on the loved ones of addicts can be overwhelming. In some cases, addiction leads to abusive behavior that harms not only the individual but also their family members. This abuse can be both physical and emotional, leaving lasting scars on everyone involved. The worst part is that some individuals are willing to break the law for their addiction, putting their loved ones at even greater risk. TMS treatment (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) has shown promise as an alternative approach to helping individuals struggling with addiction, by targeting the brain’s neural pathways and potentially improving emotional regulation and reducing cravings.

How to love without enabling?

Loving someone with an addiction can be one of the most challenging aspects of a relationship. One of the biggest challenges is understanding the fine line between caring for them and enabling their addictive behaviors. Naturally, we want to protect those we love from harm, but sometimes, protecting them from uncomfortable feelings or situations only allows the addiction to worsen. Enabling addiction often means doing things that make the addict feel comfortable, even if it means excusing their behavior or ignoring the consequences of their actions.

However, true love in these situations often requires tough love. It’s essential to hold your loved one accountable for their actions. This may bring up negative emotions, discomfort, and even resentment from them in the short term. But in the long run, it’s important to ask yourself: Are you willing to love them by supporting their recovery, even if it means making them face difficult truths? Or are you choosing to shield them from those uncomfortable emotions, allowing their addiction to continue unchecked?

The difference between loving and enabling is about doing what’s best for the person’s long-term recovery, not just offering short-term comfort that ultimately makes things worse.

What are the stages of enabling?

Enabling addiction doesn’t happen overnight. It often starts innocently—out of love or concern—without fully realizing the extent of the addiction. However, as time goes on, enabling can evolve from a stage of innocence into a stage of desperation. People who enable addiction often cover up the addict's behavior, make excuses for them, or justify their actions. This can range from not confronting the addict about their behavior to directly participating in their denial.

Just like addiction itself, enabling becomes progressively more damaging over time. As the addiction worsens, enabling behaviors tend to escalate, making it even harder for the addict to face the consequences of their actions. This is why professional help is so crucial in breaking the cycle of enabling and addiction.

How can I help my addict or alcoholic family member recover if they’re in denial about their addiction?

The first step in helping a loved one struggling with addiction is to ensure they face the consequences of their actions. This might mean setting firm boundaries, refusing to cover for their behavior, and allowing them to feel the impact of their choices. This can be an incredibly difficult and painful process, especially when the person is in denial about their addiction. However, holding them accountable is one of the most powerful ways to help them come to terms with their problem.

Many people refer to this approach as "tough love." It involves drawing boundaries, having difficult conversations, and sticking to them. While it may seem harsh, enabling addiction often does more harm in the long run than allowing a loved one to experience the uncomfortable emotions that come with accountability.

In cases where you’re unsure how to navigate this complex situation, professional intervention services can be incredibly helpful. These services provide support for families, helping them understand how to set boundaries and what steps to take next. If your loved one agrees to seek treatment, finding the right addiction program is essential for their recovery journey.

How do I help my loved one get help for their addiction?

If you are a partner, spouse, or family member of someone struggling with addiction, it can be incredibly helpful to seek guidance from a professional. Addiction is a complex disease, and understanding how to intervene without enabling is challenging. A professional can help you recognize the signs of enabling, understand your role in the recovery process, and develop strategies for encouraging your loved one to seek help.

At times, professional intervention may be necessary to help your loved one take the first step toward recovery. Intervention specialists can help facilitate this process, ensuring that your loved one understands the importance of seeking help and facing their addiction head-on.

Moreover, it’s important to ensure that your loved one receives the appropriate treatment for both their addiction and any underlying mental health conditions. Many people with addiction also struggle with mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression Treatment, or PTSD. Treating both the addiction and the underlying mental health issues is essential for long-term recovery.

The Path Forward

Helping someone with an addiction requires patience, compassion, and firm boundaries. If you are a family member or partner of someone with an alcohol or drug use disorder, you don’t have to navigate this challenging path alone. Getting guidance from a professional, understanding the dangers of enabling, and encouraging your loved one to seek help are essential steps in supporting them toward recovery.